Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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