I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
