never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
