Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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