matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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