I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
