I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
