your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
