FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
