another moral hangover. fuck.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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