I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
