well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up under a house in Key West
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
