He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
