I wannas sexs uuuuu
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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