I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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