you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize