She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
