Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
