I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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