i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
They took my balls.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
