Barsexuality is the new black.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
