if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
