i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
