Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize