I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
