You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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