Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
