No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have fence marks all over my body
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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