you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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