i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
