Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
