I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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