wanna go halves on a baby?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
