did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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