No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
