turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
