i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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