And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
