you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
