Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
