GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
