Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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