Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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