So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
