We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Enjoy the penises
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
