FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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