I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
