I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
