What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We left the knife in your bed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
