at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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