You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
