Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
