well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
