You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
