I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
