my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The uberlube is also flammable
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
