oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
