Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize