just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
