so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
where am i from again
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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