I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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