naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
