Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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