She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
