I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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