My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
