why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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