every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
