i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
