smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He did a backflip because drugs
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
